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A Stream of Consciousness


I got an “ah ha” today while I was meditating. I was looking at both the ego and the soul. In doing this, I realized I was creating my own dichotomy in judging the ego as bad and the soul as good.

I’ve been on my path and transformational journey for a long while really looking at how much of my ego drives me (or has driven me) to create the life that I have. My life has been successful in many ways, but not truly happy. I’ve always felt that there was a veil that kept me from experiencing my true spirituality and connection to God. I thought that if I could simply get rid of the veil, then my life would evolve into one of soulful living and happiness. I’m simplifying all my thoughts around this topic, but really just trying to share my “ah ha.”

It became clear to me today that in judging ego as bad and soul as good, I was creating that veil with my thoughts. I was creating the separation. The model is not linear. Both the ego and the soul are present and it is not a hierarchy, but rather a choice. In any given moment I can choose to dance with the ego or the soul. It really depends on the outcome I want to achieve. If I tango with the ego, then I know I am creating a separation between myself and others with a focus on achievement, success and all the parameters that we are judged by and held accountable to. That’s okay, as long as I know I’m making that decision in that moment. I also know that the ego is relentless and will never be satisfied. So again, as I continue with that tango, the dance will end with a sense of lack, as no matter how well I do the dance, it will never be good enough. Again, that is okay. It’s a choice. It just depends on the outcome I’m hoping to achieve.

If I choose to dance with the soul, I am opening myself up to the energy of source…of oneness. This is an energy that is abundant and full of grace. There is no beginning or end to this dance. It ebbs and flows and is filled with joy and ease. When I choose this waltz, I am making the decision to let go of the driver’s seat and go for the ride. I am choosing to experience vulnerability and love. I am choosing to experience life without knowing the end game – that anything goes. I am trusting that the universal whole has a much better vision in mind collectively than I do from my little being. Again, this too is a choice. And again, it really depends on the outcome I’m hoping to achieve.

This “ah ha” has allowed me to let go of my judgement. And in doing that, it frees me up to be human and have my human experiences knowing that all of it is really okay. I am a spirit in human form, playing on planet earth. If I focus on the playing as if I were in kindergarten, then I can better tap into my happy! There is nowhere I need to be or anything I need to achieve before I can truly love all of me and be happy with what currently is. This ignited a spark in me that has me both smiling and tearful. For that I am in gratitude!

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