I was running yesterday morning, and it hit me at a profound level that I am the observer of my life. Basically, my life is a movie that I get to watch. Holy cow! What a liberating moment to finally TRULY get that! What does it mean?
If I can be the observer, basically witnessing my existence in this human form, without any attachment to it, then I’m free. The observer is the I AM, or my soul, or my connection to the whole. My human form allows my soul to enter into the physical and experience what it’s like to live on planet earth. What an amazing gift!
The issues pop up when we begin to identify with the human form and let our ego personality take over. As the observer, I am simply holding the space for love, abundance, joy, and beingness. There is no judgement. As I watch the movie of my life play out, all the experiences, choices, and adventures, simply are. They are not right, wrong, the best, the worst, or mistakes. They all simply lead to the ability to engage with the world by being in a physical form. If we allow those experiences to be what they are, without judgement and ego identity attachment, then we can fully be in that experience from the place of the I AM.
I have been caught up in comparing the last year of my life (moving to Crested Butte) with how my life was before the move. I left a thriving practice with a lovely home and a predictable life in Santa Fe. From the outside, it looked ideal. From the inside, my spirit was collapsing, and my son was becoming a shell of himself. I moved to Crested Butte because I was on my soul journey and that’s where it wanted to go. It was my playground for over 20 years. And it became my son’s playground as well. At any rate, I left security in my 50s to seek out another adventure that had no predictability. I thought the ease of success in Santa Fe would follow me to Crested Butte, but it did not. I’ve spent the last year judging myself for not having done better. When that profound level of understanding that I am the observer took over, and I watched the movie of my life over the last year play out, I had a huge smile on my face. Freedom! My soul is filled with love and abundance. My son is thriving. And we get to live in the place that before we could only escape to, to play. Now we play every day!
I have no idea what is around the corner. But, I no longer have an attachment to it. My life will continue to move through the continuum of experiences it is here to have. As long as I hold my life in a loving space as the observer, it will do what it needs to. What wants to emerge for me, will. And I will feel the connection to the whole of existence.