You Don't Know What You Don't Know
I got so excited when I realized what I was doing and was able to let it go. Now I want to share it with you!
I was talking with a friend this weekend. We were expressing our disappointment in people who we considered to be “spiritual narcissists.” We described them as people who claim to be on their spiritual path, however, very little about how they show up in life seems to be “spiritual.” It seems to just give them the right to put their focus on themselves and their needs.
What hit me as I was saying this was the question of “where am I in this picture?” Who am I to judge where another is at on their spiritual journey – whether that person truly is or not? This is where my excitement begins in this self-exploration.
I have been on my spiritual journey since I was in my 20s. That puts me on this path, knowingly, for about 30 years. The person I am today, in so many ways, is so different from the person I was 30 years ago. Yet, I too reported to be on my path back in my 20s. And I know that I studied in earnest to understand spirituality and how I could be spiritual yet be in this body on planet earth. And, as much as I studied, learned, meditated, tried to “be”, and focused on gratitude, the veil of separation never seemed to leave me. I was still sad, felt separate from others, could never do enough to be enough, and fell short on many other levels. I thought I was a good person, doing good things in this world, and working really hard, but it still wasn’t enough. Here I am right now, with a very different perspective from what I just described. Can I really sit in judgement of that? I simply didn’t know what I didn’t know!
Today, I now understand that all my searching for spiritual enlightenment (at any level) was through the eyes of my ego. My ego identity will always keep me separate from others, in judgement of myself and others, and on the continuum of always wanting and needing more (of anything). I have only truly discovered this over the last year. It has been the key that unlocked the door to my spiritual transformation. AND it was huge for me. I am still a work in process, as I believe we get to choose each moment who we want to BE and how we show up in the world, but as I just stated, I have that choice.
So, instead of judging others for a seeming mismatch in verbiage and action, I can hold them in a space of love and light. This is the same space I hold for myself now, as there are plenty of times I choose to view (and act out) through the lens of my ego identity and not my connection to spirit.
Forgive. Be light. Enjoy freedom!